i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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