can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
