Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
