My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
