My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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