drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I wear drunk well.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize