Old men and throwing up are my life now.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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