those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
