you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
