finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How external is "for external use only"?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
