he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
