To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
