hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
She announced her abortion via fbk
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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