The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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