I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
