this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
