Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
