She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
