If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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