I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
