i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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