I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
