I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
