Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My ass is underappreciated
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
