I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
