U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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