On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
