How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
