You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
