I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize