Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
