There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
