I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
