Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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