make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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