Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
