All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
