I heard we made out
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
