I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
