did you get engaged???
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize