So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
