my being single is dangerous.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
