Define "chronic" masturbator.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
