I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
