And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
