How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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