DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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