You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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