i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
