dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
