you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Found your dick twin last night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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