Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
