hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
