how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
