She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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