So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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