She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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