is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
