ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
