i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
