We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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