can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
