a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Randomize
