It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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