Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
