My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
wow bdsm is so cute
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
