i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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