You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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