My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
