Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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