I'm passing your future prison.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
