Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize