I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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