You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
