I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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