So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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