You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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