I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
