This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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