just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
