dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
