Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
