i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
