Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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