Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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