She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
