I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
