Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
