Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize