Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
