I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
