So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
