she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
