Nicole vs. Life
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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