are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
