Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
you had me at cake vodka
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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