he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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