i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize